You say stretch marks like it’s a bad thing

Well, ok they aren’t the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen (and no I won’t show you mine). But I’ve seen worse things. Most momma’s I’ve talked to call them badges of honor. I like that. I can also live with calling them that. But good lord they are pretty weird to see. Thankfully I can’t really see them unless I happen to catch myself with my shirt pulled up walking past a mirror. Let me tell you people this does not happen often.

Speaking of other super gross things you get to “enjoy” in the third trimester also include the occasional braxton-hicks contractions. Which my ob says means DRINK ALL THE WATER! Listen pal I drink anymore water and I could probably float away ok? Yeah it’s like that. Though apparently today while “enjoying” my first 20 minute non-stress test I had a real contraction that I sort of felt. Or I accidentally hit the monitor as it was sliding off me.

You see my kid does not like to be prodded. Nope he will kick at the ultrasound wand and apparently the heart rate monitor and anything else. Yet not my hands or his dads…smart kid we’ve got there.

And as if my ob visit wasn’t irritating me enough the nurse practitioner says to me while she’s swabbing for some potential infection that could hurt my kid on his way out if I have it. (Listen 40% of women have it so I’m not worried if I do) “I see we have quite the hemorrhoid situation.” I really REALLY wanted to punch her in the face and frankly I think I would have be justified. Yes, thank you woman I have never met in all my visits there is quite an issue going on there. Thanks for noticing AND pointing it out.

Though thankfully she did give me an Rx for some better cream so ya know I didn’t actually punch her, because I’ve only been asking about that ahem issue for the last oh 6 months! Sweet relief ladies!

Thankfully the only other really gross and potentially (ok who the hell am I kidding this shit is going to hurt) painful thing I have to do is give birth to my little guy! I am both excited and terrified by this. Obviously I can’t wait to meet him and hold him etc. But it’s the fact that i have to get him out that has me very nervous. PLUS I’m going to attempt it without drugs. Yup I’ve lost my marbles.

But really…everything we learned in lamaze told us that doing just about any intervention can raise your risk for a c-section…yeah no thanks. So I’m going to go as long as I can without drugs and if I need them hopefully get them BEFORE I pass whatever magical dilation number they use now to say TOO LATE SUCKER NO DRUGS FOR YOU!

So that’s where I am with life right now…4 1/2 weeks from due date…

But you know what I’m super thankful to be at this point in my life even with all the pains the last few weeks are bringing my nethers. As a special treat I shall leave you with this gem from our maternity shoot last weekend…

Cute right? Bet your ass it is.
Cute right? Bet your ass it is.


Author: galinthegreyhat

I am a wife, writer, photographer, and avid reader. This blog is about've been warned.