I’m not great at making up those meme things. You know the one…what I think I look like, what my mom thinks it looks like, what it really looks like, etc. So I’ll have to put it in words. Deal with it. Also I currently have a sleeping baby and who know how long it will last before that bomb goes off, I mean wakes up. (I kid)
A few weeks ago a friend stopped over to meet the baby and her first question was “Is this everything you thought it would be?” I told her I keep telling myself I wanted this, but it’s so hard/tiring/etc. Then I instantly felt like a horrible mother. My friend assured me I was not the first mother to feel this way at all.
I then told her I thought it would feel like Snow White singing to the woodland creatures meaning I would wake up with a happy baby everyday who never fussed and was basically perfection. Ok to be honest he’s pretty perfect to me. But I then told my friend the reality was most days I felt like I was the unlucky first victim of the UnSub on an episode of Criminal Minds who would not be saved by Hotch and the gang.
Yes, we had a good laugh over that and my telling her I didn’t care if her pink co-sleeper she was loaning me came with Hannibal Lecter as long as it helped get my little one used to sleeping on his own (and it sort of works)!
We also assumed we would only need to tack one maybe 15 minutes in order to get us out of the house. Hahahahahaha boy were we mistaken! We now give ourselves at least an hour because you NEVER know if the baby is going to need to eat/poop/need a whole new outfit/etc before you leave the house. Seriously ANYTHING can and will happen when you try to leave your house.
I also assumed it would be easy to get the baby on a schedule. How very wrong I was. It took nine weeks before we got our weekday nap schedule down. And really that one sort of happened on it’s own. There’s the 1 1/2 to 2 hour morning nap (aka momma does laundry or other chores) and usually a 3 hour afternoon nap (and I usually nap with him in the afternoon). I am told the schedule thing usually does work it’s way out on it’s own until the kid hits four months and all the sleep gets totally screwed up. Yay!
I also thought eating with a baby in the house would be easy. Do you know how many times I’ve forgotten my coffee under the Keurig brewer? I don’t want to talk about it, that’s how many! Forget making a cup of loose leaf tea! That’s a luxury I enjoy when dad is home to to tag in for half an hour. As far as real food goes I don’t use plates or bowls anymore. No I eat yogurt out of the container with a spoon and make pb&j and eat it off a paper towel because that’s one less thing I have to wash!
What about showering you might ask? Yeah I get one of those every other day, again when dad is home. I’ve experienced the phantom crying one time too many to dare try it on my own at the moment. As for clothing…pj’s and yoga pants friends. I’ve also learned not to freak over a little spit up on my shirt/pants. UNLESS that shit goes down my shirt, then all bets are off – so gross.
I won’t talk about the ups and downs of breastfeeding because I already did that earlier in the week. You can read that here. Go on I’ll wait.
But I’m learning (as is my husband) that being a parent is quite the juggling act. Slowly but surely I’m learning how to keep all the balls up in the air. What about you? What did you think parenting would be like? Let me know in the comments!